Breastfeeding is such an emotional topic, something that all parents are affected by based on their own decisions and those that are taken out of their hands. Going into it I certainly had a vision of how breastfeeding was going to be for me and feel very lucky to still be feeding Teddy at 16 months. Getting to that point however was by no means easy or how I had expected. The reality is breastfeeding is unique for every parent and baby and so this is just my story among the millions more out there.
I was super lucky with Teddy’s birth; after a smooth and planned water birth he was able to have skin to skin contact and a feed. The midwife popped him on my breast and he latched on straight away, I was elated, the oxytocin was flying round my body like a raspberry sambucca in a retro club. After 24 hours though my nipples were chapped and so painful that every time I fed Teddy it brought tears to my eyes. I’d watched the videos at my antenatal class and I couldn’t remember anyone talking about how painful it could be!
When my milk came in on day 3 (blimey, that’s another story, I’ve never experienced a whirlwind of emotions like it!) my breasts were so full it was hard for Teddy to latch on effectively. I was getting through lanolin like it was going out of style, had cold compresses coming out of my ears and had a fridge well stocked with cabbages. I asked for help from the midwives and they advised that it could take 6-8 weeks to feel comfortable with feeding whilst both Teddy and I were learning. When you’re doing this for 10 or so times a day, a 6-8 week time frame sounded like an eternity.
Teddy would cluster feed for more than 6 hours at a time some nights and when I tried to do skin to skin cuddles he would only want milk. I started to feel like I was only there for one thing. My partner and I would have constant debates about me expressing to top up and so that he could help out but I wanted to get to the golden 6 weeks, when everything would magically stop hurting… With numerous blocked ducts and suspected mastitis the early days of breastfeeding were hard, there is no denying it.
I found breastfeeding support groups useful and reassuring, all reiterating the same mantra; it will get easier. I also met a mum at one and we became firm friends, both going through the same experiences and looking for support. In the end, after the 6 weeks came and went (and my unrealistic expectations were not met) I decided to seek help from a lactation consultant. My partner questioned whether parting with cash for this was needed and felt that I could have Googled to find the same advice. But for me it was about speaking to someone, in person, who could see what I was doing, empathise and give me the reassurance that I needed. With a few tweaks I felt more confident in how I was feeding Teddy and his latch seemed more comfortable. Even my partner found it useful, when I was tired he would remind me how to adjust the position so that Teddy would latch comfortably. Far fewer tears and more practice at eating one handed followed (note to self; baked potatoes do not make for an easy one-handed meal).
After a couple of months (maybe 3?! Time works in mysterious ways during the fourth trimester!) Teddy’s feeds started to reduce and space out a bit (shame about not seeing so much Real Housewives while feeding though…) and it all started to feel a bit more natural. I started to enjoy it, Teddy and I were bonding and I felt able to confidently go out and about while feeding him. Some of my favourite locations have been on top of a boat (that got a bit chilly), in Santander and at a comedy gig for parents, of course not forgetting the numerous car feeds!
Now we’re at the point where Teddy doesn’t feed as often and sometimes just isn’t interested in it. If I’m honest I’m not ready to stop feeding him after such a journey and he seems pretty content too. I’m hoping he’ll naturally wean but we’ll see and stop at the right time for us, something that will not be dictated by societal expectations and pressures.
The journey was tough and I feel so lucky to be able to breastfeed Teddy but as I say, I’m just one mum with one experience. Whatever you are doing; breast, formula or a combination of both, you are doing the right thing for your child. Fed is best and your health, happiness and wellbeing are equally as important.
If you do need support with feeding, ask your midwife/health visitor about support groups, look for a local lactation consultant and have a look at Bristol Breastfeeding Mummies on Facebook – a wonderful community that I found to be full of non-judgmental mothers there to support each other on their breastfeeding journey.